Thirteen ( APH PruMano )

December 1st:

Gilbert brought in a giant fucking box. It barely fit through the doorway, and Lovino just sort of stared as Gilbert finally gave up and laid the box on its side and dragged it into the living room.

“No.”

Gilbert stood and put his hands on his hips. “Yes!”

“I thought we fucking talked about this. There was a thirty dollar gift cap.”

Gilbert scoffed. “Fuck you, maybe this is just a giant body pillow.”

“But it’s not, is it? It’s something really stupid. I haven’t even bought your gift yet. What are you doing with that thing? Take it away.”

He continued dragging the box over to the Christmas tree.

“Gilbert, take the fucking box away.”

“Look, I’m not making you open it, okay? It’s just going to… lay here… by the tree.” Gilbert stood and dusted off his hands. He grinned at Lovino. “I bet you want to open it, huh?”

“Nope.”

“What? Yes, you do. Look at it.” Gilbert pointed. “Look how big it is. It’s almost as big as I am.”

“As big as your ego.” Lovino grinned at his joke, but quickly wiped it off his face. “But I told you, I’m not accepting anything stupid and expensive. Thirty dollars.”

Gilbert looked from the box to Lovino. “It’s a body pillow.”

“It better fucking be.”

December 2nd:

“Gilbert!”

Gilbert looked up from his cereal. Lovino marched over to him, shoved the phone in his face.

“That better not be a fucking body pillow. That shit is like, a hundred dollars!” Lovino scrolled through amazon. “And shit, that’s just because it’s close to Christmas! When the hell did you even buy this thing?”

Gilbert grinned and took another bite of cereal, chewing slowly. Finally, “You are curious!”

Lovino frowned and hunched his shoulders. “I'm not. I’m making sure that you didn’t wreck our finances. I already have to buy a shit ton of presents for Feliciano, which is gonna’ wipe us out. I don’t need your help.”

Gilbert just smiled.

“It isn’t a body pillow, is it?”

Gilbert mimed zipping his lips shut.

“You’re a giant fucking asshole, and you’re getting socks for Christmas because you suck.” Lovino shoved his phone in his pocket and grabbed Gilbert’s cereal. He drank all the milk, then pushed the bowl back at him.

December 10th:

The mail came. Lovino flipped through the letters, froze at the bank statement. He threw the other mail down on the table and ripped over the envelope, eyes tripping over the words.

“Oh, my God.”

Lovino found the house phone—only used for emergencies—and dialed Gilbert’s number. He paced around the kitchen, straightening pans. He glared at a hole in his sock, and stocked over to the laundry room to get another one.

“What's—”

“Two hundred and fifty dollars?! What the hell, Gilbert! Did you have to pay for a fucking funeral? Did you have to pay for a wedding? Are you going to buy a bouncy castle, next?! Did you buy me a ball gown?” Lovino ripped off his sock.

“Lovino—”

“Don't Lovino me!”

Gilbert sighed, and Lovino pictured him leaning back in his office chair. “Look, I didn’t want to worry you—”

“It’s the Christmas gift, isn’t it?”

Gilbert choked.

“Thirty dollar cap!”

“It isn’t the Christmas gift!”

Lovino dug through the dryer. “That’s some bullshit if I ever heard some! Did the fucking dog eat my sock again? Did you buy me two hundred and fifty pairs of socks?! Is that it?”

“Uh.”

“Oh my God.”

“No, Lovino, it isn’t what you think! Okay, it isn’t a body pillow. But trust me, it isn’t the Christmas gift, okay? Lovino?”

Lovino found a sock. “What was it?”

“Ludwig.”

“Ludwig?”

Gilbert cleared his throat. “Look, he didn’t want me to mention it to you, but… Uh… He’s been having… trouble getting it up.”

“‘It?’”

“His dick.” Gilbert cleared his throat again. “So, I… Well, I bought him Viagra. And a doctor’s appointment. To… fix his dick. You know.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Lovino nodded, slowly. “That’s his Christmas gift, then. The gift of fucking my brother.”

“Deal.”

Lovino hung up the phone and stared blankly at the dryer. “Ew.”

Christmas Morning:

“No.”

Lovino raised an eyebrow. “You fucking haul this thing in here, tease me with it, and now you’re telling me not to open it? Is this one of those stupid 'reverse psychology’ things you’re always trying?”

Gilbert stood in front of the box. “I. Uh. I…”

Lovino nodded. “It’s a fucking body pillow.”

“It’s not.”

“Did you get the Viagra for me?”

Gilbert let out a nervous laugh. “No.”

“Move.”

Gilbert held up his hands. “Look, Lovino, when I bought it, I wasn't—I was—”

Nope. Lovino stepped around Gilbert and plopped himself in front of the box. He tore off the wrapping paper. Gilbert stood behind him, and Lovino could hear him breathing.

Lovino popped the lid off.

“Is that another box?”

“Lovino—”

“I’ve waited all month for this stupid gift, shut up.” Lovino took off the top of the other box. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Look—”

Lovino turned halfway around. “How many boxes are there?”

“Uh.”

There were twelve fucking boxes. Lovino could feel his face heating up the more boxes he uncovered. Gilbert just sat on the couch and hid his face, listening to Lovino rant. Because what the fuck?

The last box, no bigger than his palm. “I swear to God,” Lovino said, “there better be something in here. If I went through that month of literal fucking hell for you to give me an empty box that was in twelve other empty boxes, I will murder you.”

“Lovino, please…”

Lovino scoffed. “Why? What is it? Is it…” Lovino blinked. “It’s a ring.”

Gilbert seemed to be hyperventilating. Lovino was processing.

A ring. In a small felt box. Lovino looked at the twelve other boxes.

“Did… Was that a proposal? Did you propose to me with twelve—thirteen fucking boxes? And then did you… You didn’t buy Ludwig Viagra, did you?”

Gilbert took a deep breath and stood from the couch, then got down on one knee in front of Lovino. They were eye level, and Lovino wished he hadn’t sat down to open this fucking present.

“Lovino—”

“Wait, you covered for the ring by saying you bought your brother—”

Gilbert cleared his throat. “You. I… I, uh, love you. You’re angry. You’re angry a lot for someone so short. Not short! Just, you know… I thought you were really annoying when I first met you. And, like, who would get upset at a huge Christmas gift? Weird.” He let out a nervous laugh.

Lovino furrowed his eyebrows. “Thanks?”

“No, I—well. I just. We already live together. And we have the dog together. And. I figured it was sort of…” Gilbert’s cheeks were red. “Marry?”

“This ring is too small.”

Gilbert looked at Lovino’s hands. “You have very stout fingers.”

“Fuck you.”